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I first must say that I didn’t anticipate writing on this blog anymore – not really sure why. I guess I just figured the “experience” of South Africa was coming to an end and that was that. I just pulled up the website to be reminded of what God had done in me this year and decided to post another entry.

I have been home for a week now. It has been good seeing friends and family and catching up with a few people. I anticipated that I would be quite busy and simply excited to be here and catch up with people – I even told my friends back in Cape Town that I figured I would be excited to be here through the holidays and with my sister having a baby (which I am SO excited about) that I would be on a “high” for awhile before beginning to experience this reverse culture shock that I had heard about.

Well, things did not turn out as I expected.

I had my going away party in Cape Town the night before mom and I left. On Tuesday morning, Nov 27th, several of my friends took us to the airport. I cried quite a bit at the airport as I said goodbye to my good friend Siyoli. Once I was on the plane, though, I was distracted and quite excited about going to Paris with mom. We were there for three days before heading back to the states. It was amazing seeing my very pregnant sister and Scott and my friend Carli at the airport to pick us up. On Sunday, I was quite tired, but very happy to get to see everyone – went to Fellowship in the morning and to a baby shower in the afternoon for my sister and then to a family dinner in the evening.

On Monday, I didn’t really have plans. I needed to unpack and wanted to get settled a bit here at home. I had quite a hard day – cried a lot. Tuesday and Wednesday I almost felt emotionless. Thursday I cried even more than Monday. Now I am somewhere between emotionless and crying… if that even makes sense.

I ran into Cliff Grantham at Starbucks (yeah for Starbucks!) on Saturday and was just talking to him a bit about the week. One thing that he mentioned to me was one of his experiences of being in the military. He would be sent off on an assignment… and when he returned, he would be back to a desk job – but the transition was always very hard. When he was on assignment or on the field (not sure what correct term would be), he felt like he was on a mission and his purpose was being fulfilled in some way. It was what he had been trained for… what he worked so hard for. So, when he would return from an assignment, he would almost feel like he lost his sense of purpose.

I think that is a lot of how I feel… loss of a sense of purpose. I know that God has a plan and purpose for me, but I am not sure what He has for me next. I miss Cape Town and my friends there. I know that I will adjust back over time.

I have not even begun to look for a job yet. I am pretty much taking one day at a time and will probably need to begin pursuing this soon. It’s funny because I really don’t know what to do. I feel like I would love to be in full-time ministry, but I don’t know exactly what that means or even if that is what God has for me.

Please don’t get me wrong, it is good to catch up with people here and see people. I love Fellowship and look forward to getting plugged in there again. I would appreciate prayer in this time of transition.

Love in Him.